Saturday, February 19, 2011

Ups, downs and back ups...

After many months touring the bottom we are again climbing to the top of our adoption rollercoaster, I hope.  Let me begin again.  Our ride on this coaster began in August 2009 as I stated in my last post.  We researched and chose the country of Kazakhstan to adopt from. We were all excited and began the paperwork with much zeal.  The paperwork came and it went...and it came and it went...and it, well, you get my meaning. We had a homestudy done by an awesome lady who has answered many questions from me even to this day, we had psych evaluations done by a psych dr. in another town close to where we live, no, we didn't by-pass our own town for the reasons you are thinking, there simply wasn't a Dr. where we live with the correct license to perform the correct tests...really. Ink blot Dr.s are not in every town :-), we went for fingerprinting in Dallas, FBI checks for background, for clearance for all manner of things I'd never heard of, filed for immigration papers, got recent copies of our birth certificates, marriage licenses, mortgage info, blood types... well maybe not blood types but wow,  I think our dossier contains  more information about me than I know about me. 
*These are some of the required things you must do to adopt overseas so we did them* It's not much  different from doing the many things you must do when you are carrying a baby within you.
It took many many months to get everything together and then had to send it to be apostilled by the Secretary of the State.        
Done. Whew!
Ok, so now we have everything we need, our copies are made and we are set to turn our documents in!! 
Happiness!,    I'm up at the top right?
Now comes the waiting stage where we wait and hopefully soon get an invitation to come to Kaz and meet our daughter. This is what we've worked so hard for right? Well maybe not?  As I said before, adoption waiting truly isn't that much different from having your own child, the months of gathering paperwork is like pregnancy, with the exception of having another country looking over your shoulder. They do this because they want to be sure that you are doing right by the child you claimed as your own from their country, after all you did promised to love and care for him/her until you die. I might add that they don't look favorable when the media reports that in the United States a "mom" beats her newly adopted daughter "from China" to death, and a "family" put their 7 year old son they have had for 8 months back on a plane to Russia, (unaccompanied), returning him because he has anger issues. 
I believe that the point when you finally take that child in your arms is the point of the "adoption birth".  We have labored, yes, labored over paperwork, and finances and all kinds of things that try to wear us down.  Now this... this little face looking up at us. Those eyes that want to trust, want love.  Here it is. Our son or daughter!
We have given birth ( yes in a different way, in a courthouse instead of a hospital,but still birth)
Just as in utero we don't get to pick a personality, perfection in the physical, and many things that we would like to have control over but don't... so it is with adoption. This person we hold now, that we worked so hard for, cried many tears over (before we even had a face for those tears).  He/she has a mind of his/her own.  It isn't like picking out a puppy!  We are having/had a baby.  Our baby.        
  I have 4 biological children they are all uniquely different. uniquely special, incredibly loved by Jeff and I.  Because we want another we must adopt.  All these month of waiting for paperwork came to an end. We were at "month 9". Sigh ..but as we bundled up our paperwork to send in I received a phone call.  "Wait", she said, Kaz has decided to join the "Hague Convention", a group that oversees adoptions, because of the bad publicity from parents who choose not to do the right thing they will put themselves under the umbrella of this convention hoping that some of the people will be weeded out who really don't want or have the ability to care for a child, they just need a puppy.     
Stunned we wait until September.  That is the month they feel they will be ready to accept dossiers again.  Mounds of paperwork on our desk.  Many tears shed.  I waited patiently, well almost patiently. But is now September, I'm told that they haven't even filed the paperwork yet.   
So many children sit in baby houses and orphanages who are waiting for someone to come to them and say "you are my child.  I choose you". Does anyone care?  Will no one help these children with no one to love them, is there no one to say, it's going to be ok, is there no one they can trust?  Why haven't the Hague papers been filed?!    Many questions. No answers.                                                                                                                    
I am told now since we are willing to have a daughter with a special need that we might be able to cut through some of the waiting.  Now why didn't I know this before?  I asked all along for a daughter with special needs.  I filled out the special needs paperwork and our family talked about this in great detail.  Here we are 1 year later waiting and we find that there are a few countries willing to have us come and search for our little girl.  I have many questions but I don't think I'll find my answers here or anywhere else for that matter.   I am very excited once again.  I am so ready for this to happen.  I feel like I've been pregnant for 13 months... wait... I guess I have. :-)
As I read back over this post I see a lot of randomness.  Hmmm, is that a word? Bethany, you were right I should have started this at the beginning, I do have something to say.  lol       Thanks for setting it up now.
God is in control.  I am so happy that we have a road (or 3 or 4, it seems) to choose from.  I know that she is out there.  She is waiting to hear my voice.  Jeff's voice. Waiting for us to say "I love you so much".  "I searched for you".  "I traveled through countries to find you".  "You have brothers and sisters who have waited and loved you before they knew you" "You are mine"... So again I will make my plans and trust that God directs the steps of our family each and every day as we begin once again to ascend on this, our adoption rollercoaster, praying all the while... Please let us ascend...Please let us find her...

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