The Waiting Game Continues

We are still here.  I've been emailing back and forth with our agency and they are once again in the process of find a child for us.  Nothing new at this point.  If you are reading this, please pray that they will find someone soon.
Thank you all for the many prayers said for us.
:-)

unexpected sadness

I've been sitting in my living room for some time now.  Just sitting while the sun comes up and another day begins with all of the beautiful noises of the morning.  I can hear the birds singing, our dogs chasing the cats, rooster crowing by the barn, horses are snorting in the pasture as the dew soaked grass tickles their noses.  Someone upstairs has sighed and probably rolled over, snuggled back down in the covers for those last bits of sleep before getting up for chores and school. Mornings like this are my favorite.  I can be still and know that He is God. He is a good God of love and mercy.  I know this to be true. I see it in my life every single day with every single breath I take. I am aware of His grace, I have been since He found me.  I know these things in my head at this very moment but my heart hurts, my heart is struggling with this knowledge right now.  This morning I am struggling with the beauty that surrounds me as the fog dissipates over the back pasture. It's that question for which there is no answer... God, why do bad/sad/terrible things happen?

This morning as I sit I am processing.  I'll go back a few days and even a week. 
I met a wonderful family who have also adopted and in our conversation we discovered that she had actually met our little referral.  She had even taken some pictures which she sent to me, we have had our referral since early November of 2009 and at that time I did send the picture we received to a couple of Dr. that I know and they said that there was no big scare to them as they  looked at her for signs of FAS. I was immediately relieved because while we are open to a special needs little girl we do not feel that this is the time for us to undertake one with FAS.  Back to my story of the wonderful "friend" I have met.  She told me about meeting "our girl" and told me all about her families adoption story.  I soaked up every detail and have been so thankful for her.  We ended our conversation with her telling me that she had gotten a second opinion on her sweet one and gave me her Dr.s number.  I thought about if for a day and at the last minute I talked it over with Jeff and we decided to send our info to this Dr. for a last opinion before we travel to meet her. I had not planned to do this, it just happened.

The Dr. is from Washington, from the hospital that put the name to FAS and they specialize in this area. Well she called us yesterday and the first words out of her mouth were: "I have very bad news".  Bad news?  How could this be?  I asked her about the pictures and she said that it wasn't the pictures that she had drawn the majority of her conclusion from.  She said that our little girl was very, very well proportioned and that is what bothered her.  I wont give you all of the details but I'll say that at close to 3 years old, her head circumference and height are at the height and circumference of a 9 month old. Then based on the written information, things like when she learned to sit, stand, walk, talk etc. In her professional experience she believes that this little girl will not mentally ever grow to adulthood.   
Not for one second did I expect this to be said to me.  Never. 
I couldn't even speak.  All I could do was cry. I'm thankful for Jeff, he discerned that I wasn't going to be able to function for a bit and so he began to ask many questions. The Dr. said that the choice was ours but she would not recommend our family to adopt a child with these type of problems without extensive training.  Wow... :-( I was still crying.

Jeff and I talked it over.  This may be the hardest decision we have ever had to face but we decided we cannot adopt this little girl who is so beautiful and sweet.  She deserves a home and a family and that is why this is so hard. Why God do things like this happen?
I have many feelings right now, my heart feels broken in a hundred pieces. I am angry at the mom who destroyed a life, angry at us for not being able to take her. Sad that my kids have had to walk this with us even thought they do understand. Guilt...
 Micaela sat and cried with me yesterday.  The boys were angry with the situation and also sad for this little girl.
Danielle cried with me after she got off of work last night. She said, "Mom, It's like the miscarriages and I'm sorry that I can't help fix it".
I am sorry too.  Mostly I am sorry for this little girl who will not be a part of our family now.  We will keep her pictures and pray that God will bring her a family who will know what she needs and will be able to give it to her.

My quiet morning is coming to a close, Josiah just called from another room, "Mom, wasn't Elijah a profit?"  "Yes," I call back to him and he settles in to read a little more before math...
I'm praying that God give us peace to live with our decision and to bring a family to this little girl.

Why do they do that?

For the last couple of weeks I've been thinking that we are "just waiting for a letter of invitation".  Well I was WRONG!  It seems that the Russian Department of Education has changed one of the initial pieces of paperwork, this letter to "search for a child" paper that we filled out many, many months ago, must be filled out again... does it matter that we already have a referral? A child waiting for us to meet her? Only to us.

So, again, I'll fill out the paper, get it notarized and send it to Austin for apostilling. Get it back, send it to the agency and then it will go to Russia... how long will it take?  No one can answer this question.  When will we get to meet this little girl we are desperately wanting to hug and love?  Another question that cannot be answered by anyone.  Our prayer is that the God who is love, who has set our little one apart for us, will smooth the way...it shouldn't be this difficult...  :-(

Double Take Moment

Wow, our oldest daughter is graduating.  Wow.   It's amazing how many  feelings come with this knowledge. 
Joy, a touch of sadness, a lot of pride.
Danielle is incredibly fun and full of life.  She has excelled in school since she started (she learned to read at 3 years old), She struggles with time management (sigh), we are working on this :-)
She makes good choices, wants to do the right thing and above all loves Jesus. We are so proud of her and can't wait to see what God has in store for her future.
We will be having her graduation here at home, it is what she wanted to do,  celebrate with family and friends at our house. Here is her graduation picture, or one of them... well two, ok ok, here are 3 LOL
Did I mention that she's homeschooled? 

Maybe I should be more specific about the kind of snippet I need?

So my last post said that I was hoping for a snippet of info.  Well today I got one and just wanted to cry...again. :-(

It seems that an agency that handles something that I'm not even 100% sure about who was supposed to receive info from our Home Study agency (which is one of the things we had to re-do because the notary had changed but I was given the wrong paperwork. Once I had the correct paperwork I did get it to my HS agency and they completed it and sent it to Anna who sent it on to the other agency whom I have no idea about... clear as mud right?), well they can't find corrected paperwork??  What?!  I sent it to HS agency, HS agency sent it to adoption coordinator , Anna, she sent it in...!  Now they say "no, it's the wrong paperwork."!  Again?  No way, it just can't be...

So I spend all morning and part of the afternoon tracking down this paperwork (thank you Deborah at Little Miracles who is very organized and makes scans of everything!) and finally, finally, finally... the agency (that I'm still not 100% sure what they do) says that "they have found the corrected paperwork, will have it notarized and apostilled and sent to Russia."
I think I'm supposed to be relieved but I'm not. I'm stressed about this. They have had the paperwork for almost two weeks and are just looking at it?  (not to mention that they can't find it...then say its wrong...?)Why is this? 

This is the only thing that is standing in the way of our being given a first trip travel date... Sigh...I know God is in control, I really do but I can't help be get frustrated. :-(

Nothing new that I know of...

We had our 4H show last week, I must brag a bit... Micaela came in 6th place with her California Rabbits!  She made the sale and received $400.00!  She is excited and plans to breed her own bunnies for this coming year.  :-) This was our first time with Rabbits and she really enjoyed working with them.

Our nephew's wedding was beautiful and made for a great Saturday! Everything went as planned :-)

No News from Vladivostok tho  :-(  I was hoping for a small snippet... Maybe later in the week.

It's A Small World

Well according to Fed-Ex, my papers had been received by the 8:30 delivery time April 7th.  I sent a note to our Agency (to double or triple check), and asked if they had heard word from the receiving family on that.  "Nothing yet", was the reply. 
An hour later I have an email from a woman with whom I had been communicating a few weeks ago.  She will also be traveling to Vlad with her husband, she knew through our agency that Jeff and I would be going there as well. Our beginning conversations weeks ago were mostly that she hoped that we would be there at the same time, some company in our journey which would have been nice since we are both totally unsure of how things will go when we get there. :-) Well, she and her husband had already submitted their dossier, mine was almost complete.  So we gathered that they are a bit ahead of us as I told her that I was still waiting on a couple of documents, but wished her luck. 
So then I receive this email from her which said, "Vicki, I do not think that there are two Frankland families adopting using this same agency, So I'm pretty sure that I have the right one! I received your papers today.  Are these the ones you mentioned that you were waiting on?"  !
What a small world.  She and her husband were the one asked to carry our papers over and give them to the coordinator, Irina, for the final translation!  I was relieved to hear that our papers had been received and more so to know that I had been conversing with the family delivering them. It's almost like a friend is taking them for us. 
It gave me some comfort which doesn't come very often during the paperwork phase...
Thanks Lord.